these damn hats

i don't know why mom puts these hats on me, i look ridiculous. she gets all excited and thinks i look cute, i think i look like i have girl hair. 

?s

Dear Jack,

What is it about a Dr Pepper can that you reach for it and scream when I won't let you have it?

Do you agree with your dad that I'd be "ruining" you if I taught you how to shake your booty?

How long do you think Yzma will continue to let you poke at her eyes before she forms an opinion of you? Did you like it when Angie and Mat painted your toenails?

Love,

Mom